little girls grow up to be
by paradises
Summary: She swears never again to fall in love — or, the story of how your first heartbreak will always be the hardest to get over; massie/derrick, slight kristen/derrick, massie/james aside. / for rachel&thebtsexchange!


**sum: She swears never again to fall in love — or, the story of how your first heartbreak will always be the hardest to get over; massie/derrick, slight kristen/derrick aside. / for rachel&thebtsexchange!**

**notes** | this is for the **Back To School exchange. **hope you like this ; please leave a review, :)

**dedication: **to the lovely Rachel, sparkle filled hearts!  
**prompts: **'pretty as a picture,' breakable erasers, gladiator sandals, & lemon iced tea.

**little girls grow up to be**

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Sometime long ago, when Westchester children such as Massie Block believed in picturesque fairytales, she had believed that her Prince Charming was Derrick Harrington. It turned out that Claire Lyons had thought the same thing years previous to her best friend's realization, on the other hand.

"This-this is _not _what it looks like, _I swear_—"

"Absolutely, _not what it looks like; _what she said—"

"So, the thing is, Derrick got bitten by a snake and then it was_ poisonous_ and—" Massie shrugs, reluctantly, trying not to look nervous, and wishing that the habit of biting the ends of her hair wasn't thought of as distasteful and something that someone like her, a sole heiress, could do. "I've got nothing."

And everybody's staring at the two of them, and even though what happened seconds earlier felt like the most real and right thing that Massie's ever felt, she brushes it off and walks casually through the open doors, ignoring the attention and wide gazes that everybody's set on the two of them, most of all making sure that she ignores the pained look on Derrick's face, because that's the only thing that hurts her.

.

That night Derrick breaks up with Massie.

It's the first time that she hurts herself.

.

Massie knows that she'll be seeing him again because not like she can completely avoid them; they're partners in at least thirteen different class projects and then they were running for Homecoming together, but her breath catches when various teachers throughout inform her that Derrick's chosen a different partner, and it's Massie's turn to duck out of the way when the newest couple walks down the hallways, collected looks and muffled giggles.

Blond ringlets fall onto a rough shoulder, squeals heard from all around the room perhaps, maybe even all of New York and Massie just wishes that she could shut out everything but then remembers that it was her fault in the end, and nobody's going to blame Derrick Harrington. He's the golden boy of Briarwood Academy and nobody's going to suspend or even give a detention to the boy who will get their soccer team to state, if not winning the nationals—

"We're going to Nationals, baby!" He shakes his butt and she slowly walks into the girls' bathroom; the abandoned one on the third floor which doesn't work that well anymore. There's muffled sounds of a person throwing up and through her tears and falling to the tainted floor, Massie notices the sound.

She takes a deep breath, "Hello? Is anybody in here?" There's only silence after that, but Massie knocks over the bathroom stall door, seeing a familiar pair of gladiator sandals; though it wasn't even locked; with one of the mops conveniently located near the back of the bathroom.

"Yes, I think the whole of New York heard you."

.

The next time that they officially coincide with one another is in chemistry, during their sophomore year — originally, the two sit merely three seats away yet she always manages to overhear his conversations, as Derrick still uses the same loud opinion that he used, all the way back then. The person that sits between them is an obnoxious blonde who goes by the name of Kristen Gregory (but you can call me Kris!), who stands out from the rows of could-be models with a pair of thin-rimmed violet glasses, light pink braces, sometimes with an expander near the back, sometimes without, always wearing a uni-color outfit, a lacy top with multiple layers tucked in at the back and folded near the front inside a darker shade of a mid-thigh skirt.

Derrick seems to be enamored by Kristen.

For the longest time — consisting of exactly three months and thirteen days — Massie couldn't understand what was so endearing about this girl, who always, quite frankly, seemed to reek of sweat. Her life starts to revolve around chemistry and plots to destroy Kristen. Then, one day, Massie decides to try being just like Kristen Gregory; after all, she's always the best at everything that she tries at (tell that to the falls in soccer, the bruises on your head, the weekly report card, and the OCD state of your bed.)

The first thing attempted, the term is used gently, by Massie is Kristen's unique odor, a subtle mix of hints of drugstore vanilla, sweat, and some Guilty by Gucci to mask it all up. "Hey, Derrick—" she practices in front of a mirror for hours, "Do you want to be friends?", then facepalms herself for sounding like a mentally deranged idiot and does it all over again.

Massie actually never does talk to him, in the end; right now, she just needs to improve.

So, out of all of the decisions that Massie made, this may prove to be the worst choice yet, and she's extremely sorry for having joined the girls' frosh-soph soccer time. It's not a cut sport, at least not if she was applying for the varsity level, a feat that Massie would have to save her most luckiest days for, and even then she probably wouldn't make varsity.

It turns out that to play soccer, it's not like seventh grade where one is allowed to just pass around the ball and make a halfhearted effort; even though, it's a lower level for the soccer team, practice amounts are just as rigorous. Or so the frosh-soph team likes to think — Massie barely makes any friends by the end of the way, and the worst part is that Kristen is their hero, their idol, the person that they love as a friend and respect as an idol more than anybody else in the world; the type of person that Massie's always wanted to be.

And, that's the worst part of all — it's impossible to actually hate Kristen Gregory, who always looks out for her teammates and tells you a million times about how to protect the net even if the team ends up losing the championships because of Massie's clumsiness;

So, Massie just decides that she has to try harder. At destroying Kristen.

The next time is in chemistry, in which a discussion about the Golden Ratio is taking place; Massie's not quite sure what the Golden Ratio is in the first place, but if she can't beat Kristen in the sports, she decides to make another attempt — towards an educational discussion. The teacher announces near the end of the class period that day that the top two of this class with the highest scores will be working together on the National Science Fair, or something along the lines of that, and the words top two keep on echoing in Massie's cavernous (empty) mind of a devil's workshop, coming to life.

It makes sense in that pretty little head of hers that she could possibly manage to make herself much smarter — without the help of tutoring or any other mechanism that her parents were stealing from the Lyons' family, with their ever so smart, smug daughter who won second place in her school's science fair.

There's no way around this — Massie tries everything possible, memorizing word by word but as soon as her eyes close, the words fly away and before she knows it, the final examination time comes around and she's left with nothing but an empty test — the grades come back a week later, and the rest of her classmates are either on the edge of their seats in anticipation while the others are groaning as there's are handed back; a wide smile splits across Kristen's face, and Derrick and her high-five one another. Massie keeps on drumming her toes onto the floor of the freshly painted linoleum, fingers tapping quickly with the lead of her light pink mechanical pencil with an easily breakable eraser, digging into her scalp, drops of blood leaking onto graph paper and the tip of the pencil, permanently etched into her collection of memories, and then the teacher calls her name. She turns over the paper reluctantly and gasps a little, multiple tears running down from her light amber eyes, and she of course blames it on the light when various individuals ask her if she's okay.

Massie's put so much of herself into the game of always trying to beat Kristen — that she mainly forgets about everything else, including the fact that she's never tried so hard for literaly anything during her life. Chords, a mixture of major and harmonic minor, repeatedly start on playing and in a frenzy of wild bodies, she finds herself on the outlines of everything once more, just like always.

In a way, life hasn't been much better and she finds herself sitting along with a group of thick headband wearing individuals, scoffing at herself for even thinking of speaking to someone such as Carrie Randolph, but this isn't middle school anymore, and she can't keep on trying to rule the world like a middle school bitchy alpha; it's just not what life has turned out to be about, anymore. Of course, tonight's the last straw; It's the day of Homecoming, sometime in the middle of October and she goes along with a group of friends — like all the other nerds who aren't allowed to have boyfriends; but they find themselves other boys to dance with in the middle of the floor, and she's not the center of attention, anymore. How does it feel, to be standing on the outside, looking in?

/

The Blocks' have a typical winter party, 'pretty as a picture'; something along the lines of a way to boast about all the money that they've made throughout the years.

A group of _her friends _— Massie feels strangely possessive, and with a rush of adrenaline, she runs to the bathroom of the third level of the guest house, the one that nobody ever uses; and breaks the mirror with her fists, letting go all of the tension and anger as blood runs down her knuckles, distorted images of amber eyes sparkling with disgust at herself in the reflection of the mirror, never for a second showing anything beautiful.

She's a monster, she soon realizes; and it's not as though she's been turned into a vampire or a teen wolf, which comes with amazing side powers and the ability to do, well, _anything, _but it's much worse than that, because Massie's brought this upon herself. She swears never again to fall in love.

/

Her promise is broken a few years later; it's the third year of high school, and in a way, Massie's made some new friends; stronger ones that'll be there for her when she needs them, instead of when they're paid a certain amount, like Cassidy and all of those so called friends. Things have changed, perhaps for the worse; her life becomes a never-ending funeral, and she feels as though she's breaking.

The death of Derrick Harrington affects Massie more than it should have — more than it affects everybody else.

She goes to Barcelona, just for three weeks; and swears that the thing with James, it was just a simple summer fling. Life changes when he actually moves to Westchester, swearing that he's in love with her. All of her friends gasp in astonishment, because nobody expects little Massie to fall in love with somebody else, for somebody to actually be interested in her; in fact, their lives only revolve around ClaireDerrickDylan love triangles, and the usual drama, plenty enough to go around for the next million years — and Alicia will always take Dylan's side; they've been friends for too long for them not to take each other's sides.

"So," James trails off, his accent still thick as ever, "—do you want a drink, or something; some lemon iced tea?"

Conversations between the two of them, even now, have always turned out to be awkward at first; they always will be and in a way, Massie holds onto that consistency with all that she has left, "I can't love somebody again," she mutters out. "Barcelona was fake; it wasn't me."

"It was you," James insists, "You just don't want to show anybody that carefree side of you ever again; you've been hurt, but we've all been hurt before, Block," he holds her wrist lightly, and she flinches at the touch. After all these years, only one person has ever called her Block, and if Massie would have her way in life — like she always would — Derrick would be the last, _her last love._

"I can't love somebody again," Massie only repeats, "There was this guy; his name was Derrick," her voice cracks, and a few tears spill which she tries to wipe away in a frantic manner. "I can't get hurt again." This time, she's the first to leave.

/

And, then they pass each other in the hallway another day — she's wearing a floral pattern dress, black shrug and a pink headband, white bow on top; and they walk their separate ways, glancing at each other for a few seconds (but Massie will always remember those moments).

It's for the best, after all.


End file.
